And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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