my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
