Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
