I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
