WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
