Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
