My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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