and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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