First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
