nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
