my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
