the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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