i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
