Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
