I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
