I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
