let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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