Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
