you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
