I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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