You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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