2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
