So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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