you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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