I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
