I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
