Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
