I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
