you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
