I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
