Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
