I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
