apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
