Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
