awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
