grandma shit on top of the toilet
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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