home. puking in laundry basket.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
