I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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