When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
