I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
