Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
