dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
