New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
