jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
