Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
