you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I FOUND THE LEGS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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