im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
