dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i love accidental penises.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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