I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
