so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
