I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
