you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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