My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
