Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
